Friday, January 21, 2011

Five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes

it is a weird time.  the end of one chapter and the beginning of the next. i love the energy this the time of year.  everyone all decked out in their new duds, the gym filling up with hopeful resolutionaries and target marks down the remainder of their holiday items and replaces them with yoga mats and gym equipment.

i like the idea of a fresh start. i like that most people have goals to shed a few pounds, or finally get the ambition to clean out closets in attempts to be organized for the new year. i like that that at this time people always want to change for the better.

but more than anything, i like this special nook in the calender that no other space is reserved for, the time it gives us to reflect on the past year and look for new ways to grow.  i have spent so many hours this past year thinking about life... in the car, laying in bed while mike and the dogs quietly snore beside me or in the early mornings after mike leaves for work and i have my morning routine to myself....

and this morning as i sit here and sip my (decaf) coffee, i can't help but think about how climatic this year is going to be and how at this point last year i would have never dreamt that i could be this happy, this content or this peaceful.

there have been times these past few weeks where i've really had to step back and take it all in...

and see my family - in my house celebrating christmas

i feel so lucky and blessed.

i now can place my hand on my belly and feel that flutter of butterfly kisses. and  i almost can't believe that i have made it to this place of acceptance and the ability to recognize that life is not perfect, but  life is simply what you make of it.  that we aren't molded to be only one type of person who deals with life one sort of way.  we must continue to grow and embrace change and celebrate our life.

and boy am i growing!

this past year i've realized that when you think life is hard and you hit that moment in time where you can't recognize yourself in the mirror and you think you can't tread it anymore -  it is that point in time; that single defining moment where your life restarts.  i didn't realize until last year how much control we have over the simple concept of life is what you make of it... that we are in charge of writing our own story.

life isn't always easy. and at times it seems unfair or just plain sucks, but it could always be worse.... whether it is miscarriage or the trials of the economy or lack of jobs...  i have learned that a loss is just that - something that is now intangible and even though your loss may not exactly match the loss of your neighbors it is one and the same - a broken dream.  but what is different and defining is how you navigate through it all; how you choose to you keep you turn the page.

and the older i get the clearer this point becomes.  my new years resolution is to live a better life.  it seems like big goal and yeah, i could have made little ones like drink more water or floss more often, read less facebook and more real books.  but life is more than that.  it is a combination of all these tiny choices we make throughout the day and i decided that i am going to choose to live a better life - to write a better story.

and in thinking of the upcoming year, i'm constantly reflecting on last year.  all five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes of it.

a year's reflection

to kick off this new year south carolina now has a thick blanket of snow covering the ground. it's making life all the more cozy and forcing these crazy southerners to smile at you as you walk home from work; sharing stories of their travels and wishing you a safe journey home.

yes, life is good.  it's cold, but good.

"No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath... We get one story, you and I, and one story alone." Donald Miller

here's to a happy new year!

filled with babies and weddings and new houses and fresh adventures, but more importantly... fill it with love and growth and change.  here's to a happy and healthy year, it's gonna be a good one - one we'll never forget.