Tuesday, September 14, 2010

a picture is worth a thousand words

a delayed update from asheville...

which means that i am at a loss for words, but thankfully not for pictures.

but trust me, we had a good time!

we hiked.
here she comes!
she's not sure if it is me behind the camera...
...now she is!

we sat outside and sampled local brews
and the dogs were surprisingly well behaved.  see, i think she is even winking!
we sat on the porch equipped with rockers and sun-kissed dogs

and at night we walked the cool streets surrounded by mountains and drank in every ounce of this special place.

this horizon line was just the icing on the cake...
and this trip proved that there is something just as momentous as watching the sun set and the city slowly begining to illuminate before your eyes, as there is to sipping coffee, on the front porch in the early morning hours...and we were lucky to experience both.

we love asheville.

i'm so thankful that i married someone who recognizes the importance of celebrating our togetherness.  our bank accounts may not be overflowing, but baby, we live a rich life.  and, i am so thankful that we take the time to invest in each other, because it's only getting better.

happy third anniversary!


Thursday, September 9, 2010

this moment

at this moment

amos lee is playing quietly in the background, mike is opposite me, just as content with the lazy tranquillity that this evening had to offer

... and as i type this i'm sipping on a sweet, but seasonal octoberfest...because today was a big day, followed by an even bigger evening.

i got a job- a good job- a job i wanted badly.

today i  got dressed all professional like... i wore a kick-ass green blouse, a chunky brown belt and cream colored wool pants.  i walked in that hospital and made my way through the atrium and up the elevator and then i sat, because i was 45 minuets early. ha!, i'm never early.  i looked over my handouts and made notes and i felt professional.  and during the interview, despite the fact that my heart was beating at an alarming v-fib rate and i kept kicking myself for wearing wool pants in september, in the south... i pretty much knew, that i was on it, and i was confident even though i was sweating my arse off.  

and after i politely thanked them for their time and shut their office door i made my way back down the elevator.   i recollected myself while sitting at starbucks; sipping my iced coffee as i watched doctors, nurses, patients and families milling around, grabbing lunch and quick breaks... and i couldn't help but rehash what had just happened...and i came to one conclusion, ok two. the first being that i felt surprisingly relaxed; i had done my best and the fact that i wasn't filled with self-defeating thoughts was a major step in the right direction, the second was that i should proabaly get the heck out of the there and change out of my sweaty pants before someone recognised me. 

and later on, on my way to yoga they called and i missed that yoga class because i was too busy spreading the word, so i decided to go to spin with mike and i smiled while i got a good butt whooping while jamming out to some justin timberlake, lady gaga and some intense, but ever-so-heart-pumping black eyed peas.  and as i drove home from the gym this evening, the sun was setting and i felt like, for the first time in awhile, that the stars were starting to align or maybe my cards were just finally falling into place, but whatever it is, it feels like my life is slowly getting a little kick start. 

and, even though we didn't celebrate at a restaurant or meet at a local bar stool and cheers to new adventures or new paths in life... i embraced the fact that tonight, when i got home, it felt ordinary, perfectly ordinary. and sometimes not celebrating makes you realize just how sweet life is.  when the house is still and the windows are open and the only music is the jingle of dog collars, the hum from the ceiling fan and the soft beats of pandora ..... you realize that this music you hear is your life, and it sounds so simple and so sweet. 

and at this moment, on nights like tonight, i'm reminded again why i love my family so much. you see,  news in my family travels fast, but good news travels even faster.  i talked to my sister for over an hour, then my mom and my brother, and while texts were flying in from that great northern region we love so much, i sat at the base of the mountain, in our home, in the south and felt loved.  and no, our zip codes may be a mash of different numbers, and we often talk/complain about all this space between us....man, our family knows how to unite at all the right moments.

so, at this moment, i'm going to bed feeling very thankful and very loved

Thursday, September 2, 2010

three years of sunshine

i was in a funk.  which is a similar feeling to when you come home from a really great vacation and you just can't help but feel....disappointed.  you know that feeling when everything really is ok; that it is going to be ok, but you can't shake the butterflies in your stomach.

it started last weekend.  i was up early on sunday; i told my good friend i'd go to church with her.  i never go to church and i can safely admit that i was nervous. then something happened with the dogs; it ended up being a blessing in disguise, but still, it was something.  i'm not pregnant. and i am now officially  that woman who checks out of publix with a weeks worth of groceries, a box of tampons and a shiny new pink box of first response... but, i'm hopeful.

i feel guilty rambling about all this negativity, this is suppose to be a positive thing, but i also want it to be honest.  the truth is, in a world of opposites it's hard to not measure the two against each other - the good vs the bad.  for example, i ran 5 miles yesterday and it didn't hurt, i didn't want to stop...i felt good - but then the dog thing took place which propelled me into a my life sucks kinda weekend....grrrrrr.  i try, but to be honest, it is hard... hard not to think, oh what a great morning, but when afternoon comes along and it was not totally up to par,  i'm back to neutral.  my glass is mid-level...not half full or empty just stuck in the middle.  not a place i wanted to be.

so i had to dig down and basically bitch slap myself out of it. yup, i said bitch slap.
i had to force myself to find those sunny moments - and it worked.

i made coffee and french toast and flipped through my pottery barn catalogues.

i finally cleaned - i was at that point when my attitude would be greatly in enhanced with just a little extra tlc.  and i bought this pumpkin spiced candle, so now my house smalls like fall.

i'm back on the exercise wagon, or is it off? 
whatever it is, i'm on it.

yesterday morning i was reading and i started to laugh out loud and i could feel it ... pain, in my abdomen. sore muscles! so now, laughing sounds more like, haha - ow hahaha - owww.  and when i climbed out of bed this morning my legs were wobbly and my hamstrings were tight.....mmmm, it hurts so good.

mike, on the other hand, is on it.  he is doing this crazy ultra marathon thing with my brother and runs and runs and runs....his motivation is incredible and i think, at one point , his motivation completely chewed up swallowed mine and i was left with excuses like it is way too hot out or i don't want to leave the dogs alone.....
really, i did say that.

i love that these little nuggets just wait for his return.

ok, new tangent.
this time, three years ago, i woke up next to my...husband.  yup, three, whole years.

i'll never forget that day.

i knew then, what i know now...

that this is right, that i'm exactly where i belong.

and i have tears in my eyes just typing this....i almost don't know what to write because there is so much, just so much that has happened this past year that makes me know, more than ever, that you are where i belong, you are my home... we chose right; we are some of the lucky ones. we may not always feel lucky or blessed- but when i truly look at the big picture, we are...simply because we have each other.

i like to think of all the places we have traveled...

and all the memories we have made

i've conquered fears

...i promise to always take chances

i promise to always have dance parties

i promise to try everyday, to remember what i felt at this moment

i promise to never give up

happy anniversary, mike

babe, thank you for these past three years.
i love you... i'll never wear those words out.