Thursday, September 2, 2010

three years of sunshine

i was in a funk.  which is a similar feeling to when you come home from a really great vacation and you just can't help but feel....disappointed.  you know that feeling when everything really is ok; that it is going to be ok, but you can't shake the butterflies in your stomach.

it started last weekend.  i was up early on sunday; i told my good friend i'd go to church with her.  i never go to church and i can safely admit that i was nervous. then something happened with the dogs; it ended up being a blessing in disguise, but still, it was something.  i'm not pregnant. and i am now officially  that woman who checks out of publix with a weeks worth of groceries, a box of tampons and a shiny new pink box of first response... but, i'm hopeful.

i feel guilty rambling about all this negativity, this is suppose to be a positive thing, but i also want it to be honest.  the truth is, in a world of opposites it's hard to not measure the two against each other - the good vs the bad.  for example, i ran 5 miles yesterday and it didn't hurt, i didn't want to stop...i felt good - but then the dog thing took place which propelled me into a my life sucks kinda weekend....grrrrrr.  i try, but to be honest, it is hard... hard not to think, oh what a great morning, but when afternoon comes along and it was not totally up to par,  i'm back to neutral.  my glass is mid-level...not half full or empty just stuck in the middle.  not a place i wanted to be.

so i had to dig down and basically bitch slap myself out of it. yup, i said bitch slap.
i had to force myself to find those sunny moments - and it worked.

i made coffee and french toast and flipped through my pottery barn catalogues.

i finally cleaned - i was at that point when my attitude would be greatly in enhanced with just a little extra tlc.  and i bought this pumpkin spiced candle, so now my house smalls like fall.

i'm back on the exercise wagon, or is it off? 
whatever it is, i'm on it.

yesterday morning i was reading and i started to laugh out loud and i could feel it ... pain, in my abdomen. sore muscles! so now, laughing sounds more like, haha - ow hahaha - owww.  and when i climbed out of bed this morning my legs were wobbly and my hamstrings were tight.....mmmm, it hurts so good.

mike, on the other hand, is on it.  he is doing this crazy ultra marathon thing with my brother and runs and runs and runs....his motivation is incredible and i think, at one point , his motivation completely chewed up swallowed mine and i was left with excuses like it is way too hot out or i don't want to leave the dogs alone.....
really, i did say that.

i love that these little nuggets just wait for his return.

ok, new tangent.
this time, three years ago, i woke up next to my...husband.  yup, three, whole years.

i'll never forget that day.

i knew then, what i know now...

that this is right, that i'm exactly where i belong.

and i have tears in my eyes just typing this....i almost don't know what to write because there is so much, just so much that has happened this past year that makes me know, more than ever, that you are where i belong, you are my home... we chose right; we are some of the lucky ones. we may not always feel lucky or blessed- but when i truly look at the big picture, we are...simply because we have each other.

i like to think of all the places we have traveled...

and all the memories we have made

i've conquered fears

...i promise to always take chances

i promise to always have dance parties

i promise to try everyday, to remember what i felt at this moment

i promise to never give up

happy anniversary, mike

babe, thank you for these past three years.
i love you... i'll never wear those words out.

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